Raw Honey Sunday v.4

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I wasn’t able to blog last Sunday, and I was a little bummed out over it! This weekend has been fun! I’ve really been playing around with redecorating my room. With my birthday coming up, my Mom surprised me and got me the bed frame I was eyeing. We spent all day yesterday putting it together. We laughed, we cried, we yelled, and then laughed some more. Oh, IKEA. You really know how get people all of their emotions. I loved getting to spend time with my Mom though!

Anyway, I don’t have a particular topic swirling in my mind today. I want to just type whatever pops up.

Lately my birthday is on my mind. Everyone is asking what I’m doing and I have no idea. It’s less than a month away. My birthday has never been a very fun time for me. I can think back to when I was a little girl and there isn’t one birthday memory that comes to mind. I feel like that seems a little sad because who wants to imagine a little girl getting depressed on or around her birthday. That was all me and my mental health though I think. My family was amazing when I was growing up and I had birthday celebrations.

I do remember a slumber party in elementary school. I remember turning 21 and having no interest in drinking, but I did go to Homosassa Springs and frolic around in nature. For my 25th birthday I went to Vegas. That was probably my most celebrated birthday, but even then I technically went because I was invited along to a friend’s brother’s wedding and I got the flu. I did have fun, but it wasn’t everything it could be because of how sick I ended up getting.

When I turned 24, I had probably the most life changing birthday. That will be for another Raw Honey Sunday. But ever since that birthday they’ve really never been the same. Last year I didn’t do anything. There’s this pressure of doing something spectacular and the time leading up to it and then it always seems to be a let down (I feel this way about Christmas, too). So last year I opted to do nothing and it was great.

There’s pressure for the big 3-0 though. And I’m getting anxious. I want to do something but I’m scared of the letdown. I also feel like I want it to be the preview of my thirties. I just don’t have any good ideas! Dinner? Sure, but that’s it?? Do I go out and dance the night away? Ehh. What about a get away weekend? Ok, but where??

I need suggestions! I need help!

No matter what I do, it’s going to come. I think for me what I’m going to need to accept is that it’s OK if I do nothing or if I do something. Letting it go and letting whatever happen happen. No expectations! We’re gonna ride into thirty on a super gnarly wave and hang ten, dude.

Happy Sunday!

Who run the world?

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I’ve been home sick today with a nasty little stomach bug that’s been taking out what seems like everyone.

I had to take a picture for International Women’s Day! Even if I am sick on the couch and shouldn’t have a camera anywhere near me.

Strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.

Olive says, “heck yes!”

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pssst – you can add me on snapchat: love.alex and say hi! 

Raw Honey Sunday v.2

kindness

 

I had nothing short of a meltdown yesterday. I’ve talked about how I want to “show up” to thirty. I’m having a hard time adjusting to new habits (old habits die hard, homie). I was trying to be responsible and it ended up giving me a serious reality check. Anyway, I found myself in the shower trying to calm myself down and stay positive when I had this urge to take to blogging. But there’s so many real, raw, (and sweet) things to blog about in ONE little entry. So, I came up with “Raw Honey Sunday”. It’s my chance to just let it all ooze out. As real and raw as it can be. Whatever is on my mind; unscripted. Every Sunday.

This Sunday my mind is on boys, boys, boys. Or is it men, men, men? Even with thirty looming it is so hard to refer to females and males as women and men. What do you mean we aren’t young adults anymore?! Ugh.

I blogged about the last guy I was dating here. It was this weird coincidence that our exes happened to be dating as well (we had no idea, this was something I stumbled upon randomly and it blew our minds). You know, I can’t say I felt like this dude was anything to get serious about. We both knew this going into it. I can’t say anything bad about him even after what I share.

We talked about how strange dating is in your late twenties/thirties. We weren’t interested in this “game” people like to play. Let’s just be honest. Let’s hang and see where it goes. If one of us doesn’t feel a connection and/or we stop gelling let’s just say so and move on. No hurt feelings. No weirdness. We got this! We’re so 2016 progressive adulting.  Yeahhhhh. Except not at all.

One Friday he came over after work  later than planned so our date night out turned into cooking dinner and relaxing on the couch. We watched Netflix and cuddled until it was Saturday morning. We went out for coffee and sat outside chatting about random life things. We looked into the benefits of him having a Disney annual pass. He was super into and something he said he wanted to seriously consider getting within the next month or so. We went back to my apartment so he could “run home” (he lives an hour away) to shower, dress, check in with work, and he told me he wanted to come back so that we could have the date night that we originally planned the night before. Score, score, score.

I haven’t seen him since we said goodbye that day.

That night it turned into his motorcycle getting a flat and him needing to cancel. The around-the-clock communication from him started to fade starting immediately until he just stopped talking to me all together. Never being ghosted before, I can say, this shit is hard on the ego. He apologized at first for his lack of communication and told me he was super stressed out with work and he was dealing with room mate problems (yeah, ok, I’m not that naive, sir). Then it was ghost town. He stopped answering my phone calls and text messages. He still has yet to unfriend me on Facebook though which is super confusing.

I decided to reach out to him yesterday afternoon. I was invited to a birthday brunch that his ex was also invited to (coincidentally, besides his ex dating mine, she also works with an acquaintance of mine). I feel like I can’t catch a break. These three people (ghost man, his ex, and mine) will never go away. I wondered if ghost man had ever told his ex about me. I also wonder if my ex told her about me or perhaps our mutual friends. Basically – does this lady know about me?! Is that why ghost man is now a ghost? So many questions. So little knowledge. So I wanted to ask him. Knowing I’d probably not get a response.

Of course it was when I was nowhere near my phone and preoccupied that he took the opportunity to CALL me and text me. I missed it. I was so upset. That may have been my only chance to hear exactly what happened! I did attempt to call him and text him back. We’ll see what happens. Maybe there will be more to this story.

Anyway. Kindness. Can everyone jump on that bandwagon, please? I’ve read a few articles on ghosting. I honestly didn’t know it was a “thing” until it happened to me. It’s so … awful. You leave this person in limbo because you refuse to talk about feelings and … I don’t even know. But what an awful, terrible thing to do to someone!

I’ve moved on for the most part. It was so hard knowing that I had to just accept that this person had vanished from my life and I wasn’t going to get an answer as to why. You know what though? His shortcomings and inability to communicate and be kind are in no way a reflection of myself, my value and self worth. I have to remind myself of that when I feel myself spiraling.

This Sunday has been beautiful I must say! The sun is out, there’s a cool breeze, and the birds and furry critters are out and about. I love it. It’s days like these that I wish could go on for an extended amount of time. Don’t end, Sunday!

Thanks for getting raw with me.

Cheers!