raw honey

I’ve been debating on how personal I want to get in this new space. I decided today while out at lunch, “Why the heck not??”. So for now … here it goes.

A year ago this weekend I went out on a date. I was nervous and excited. I seemed to had met a nice guy who was like minded and the date was fun and carefree. It started with coffee and before I knew it, he had asked me to dinner and then out for a drink. Had I not been the one to admit I was exhausted, I feel like we would’ve bar hopped until the wee hours of the morning. It was good time. I was back out in the dating world and I had met someone who I seemed to really match with!

It was only four months later that we parted ways. In the end, it was him that was ready to move on. He did ask me to remain a part of his life and continue a friendship. He had a laundry list of things he wanted to do with me and for me. Of course I signed on because I was so clearly still hung up on him and very much in like with this fellow. We all know it didn’t work. It was a friendship with blurred lines. Those never end with happy endings.

When I realized he had officially moved on and started dating someone I found myself in a puddle of tears. Rejection is hard y’all. I had to be a grown up and love myself. Remember, I was starting to introduce self care into my life. I politely uninvited him from my life. If I was going to give myself a shot at being happy and enjoying the dating life, I needed to remove this man from my life until my little heart was healed. He wasn’t a bad guy. I just needed to not be hung up on someone who wasn’t hung up on me.

Fast forward to this month. An entire year later. I’ve really come into myself being single. I’m loving the cool lady I am and enjoying myself. Self care, remember? So I decide I’m going to download that dating app again and have a go at it. But first I wanted to delete every message I had ever received so opening the app didn’t make me cringe. I got back to October of last year when a message I saw caught my eye. This guy actually seemed pretty nice and the message was about a TV show we had in common. Nothing about my looks or that hinted to something perverted. I messaged back and wondered if he’d mind that I was you know, three months late to the conversation. Turns out he wasn’t and we spoke all day. I felt like he was familiar, but I was unsure why. I didn’t know if he seemed familiar because I had seen his message back in October or I knew him from real life somewhere.

Well, it turned out we did have a connection. And I’m sure NO ONE saw it coming. His (soon to be) ex wife is the girl my nice like minded fellow had moved on with. WHAT THE WHAT. Essentially his ex is dating my ex. Mind. Blown. When I figured it out I could feel my heart exploding in my chest. What did this mean?! Was the new guy going to pull out thinking maybe I had planned this? Was it going to be too weird? Thank you for my making my life so damn weird, Universe. 😉

He’s fine with it. Though admittedly, we are both in total shock. What are the freaking odds?! We’ve decided we’re not going to make it a big deal and feed into it. It is what it is and we’re moving on. I’m focusing on getting to know him. It’s still SOSOSO new.

I’m not sure where this path is headed. This weekend I found myself finding my way back to bad habits and getting stuck in these awful feelings. I had a really good talk with my best friend and it definitely made me feel supported and not so alone. But I’m still a little blue and feeling like it’s going to be really hard to not fall back into old patterns.

But the world of dating is for another post. That’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.

Oh, life! You’re so wild!