a new year, my dear.

A new year is approaching and with that comes a new you! I know, I know. Groan. Soo typical.

BUT. It kind of goes along with me wanting to “show up to thirty”! Hey, if gets you excited, I say, go with it.

I’ve struggled with depression since I was 11 years old and mild anxiety. My anxiety has actually gotten worse in my late twenties. Go figure. While I can definitely hit a slump and spiral, it’s usually pretty manageable for the most part.

This later half of the year I really started to struggle again. My eating habits are just nasty and while I love the outdoors and sunshine, I feel myself making dates with my couch more so than the lake. I’d love to change this sooner rather than later. I think I’m not alone though. Doesn’t everyone just want to be in good health?

Soooo. I’m getting an early start! I bought the cutest little planner at Target and I’m already planning out January. My weekly goals and when I want to get outside and move around.

Oh, 2016. You have no choice but to be the best year yet!

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letters to you

We all have those past relationships that ended on the worst possible note. You stop all communication and become strangers. Soon the relationship is nothing but a distant memory. Sometimes it’s better that way I guess.

I recently got word that a once upon a time lover’s Mother had passed away and my heart just broke into a million pieces for him. Everything that him and I had ever been through just didn’t matter anymore. I even sent him my condolences and he replied and there wasn’t any anger. It was the first time since our last blow up years ago that I felt like there were no longer ill feelings. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It was literally seeping into every one of my thoughts. So in natural Alex fashion, I opened up an email and drafted up a letter to him. A letter he will never see. A letter I will never send. Here’s an excerpt. Read More »

and so she dusts it off.

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“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”-Brene Brown

Oh, hi, there. I feel like it was so many moons ago that I was anxiously awaiting to draft up a new blog entry. From the very early days of Livejournal to my little corner of the internet over at Blogger. Blogging was a fun little hobby I suppose. Then I just kind of … stopped.

I’ve toyed with the idea of returning. Maybe creating another little space and perhaps find some new friends in the process. I’m not sure what this new space will hold and right now, I’m OK with that.

While tossing and turning last night in bed practically half asleep I created a WordPress account and all day today thought about whether or not I should you know, actually start something with it.

So, here I am. I’m going to be thirty in four months. While I’m not ready to throw myself and have a existential crisis (yet), I am getting a little anxious when I think back to my younger self and even my child-self and who I envisioned myself to be at this age. I’m not exactly everything I dreamed of. And guess what? TIME DOESN’T STOP. Oh, God. I think I may be throwing myself into black out panic now.

I’ve said a few times to people in my life recently, “I want to show up to thirty!” and I really, really mean it. All the things I wished for myself when I was younger or even just last week – aren’t going to come true after a good night’s rest. Ugh. I’ve gotta make it happen, people!

Thirty – I’m coming for you. And I’m gonna fucking blog all about it because that’s what you do in 2015.